Marriage no longer works – Ramiro Calle

Marriage is a couple model that no longer works in today’s societies.

In this era of rapid change and constant cultural evolution, the traditional concept of marriage faces significant challenges. In this interview, yoga teacher, writer and meditation expert Ramiro Calle shares his views on why he considers marriage to be a model in crisis in today’s society, with an alarming 70% of marriages ending in divorce. Join us in this exploration of his thoughts on the relationship between marriage, love and happiness as a couple.

This model of marriage has been transmitted throughout history, but today, modern societies face challenges that question its relevance.

Full interview, uncut and unpublished here

Change in Priorities:

Today, people are looking for more than just financial security and social alliances in a relationship. Love and emotional compatibility are increasingly important aspects for those considering marriage. The pursuit of happiness and personal fulfillment is now a central driver in marital decisions.

The Importance of Individual Freedom:

In the modern era, the importance of individual freedom has risen to the forefront. People seek relationships that allow them to maintain their individuality, pursuing their own personal interests and goals while sharing their life with a partner. The old model of marriage, which often required one or both spouses to sacrifice their individuality in the name of the relationship, no longer fits these priorities.

You can buy Ramiro Calle’s books here

The Evolution of Marriage:

In the face of these changes, marriage has evolved to adapt to modern needs. In many societies, equality in the relationship is now valued, where both spouses have an equal voice in decisions. In addition, non-traditional relationship models have emerged, such as open marriage or civil unions, which allow for greater flexibility and adaptation to individual preferences.

Marriage at the Crossroads:

Ramiro Calle, with his vast experience in spirituality and human relationships, argues that traditional marriage has lost its luster. He suggests that this traditional approach views the partner as a source of happiness and a possession, which he says creates unrealistic expectations and unnecessary tensions in the relationship. According to Calle, this self-centered approach has contributed to the high divorce rate in modern society.

Marriage and Reality:

Ramiro Calle invites us to reflect on the reality of marital relationships in an ever-changing world. Often, expectations of “eternal love” can lead to disappointment and conflict when life presents challenges and transformations. Calle argues that marriage is not a magic formula to guarantee eternal love, but a commitment that requires constant work and adaptation.

The Revealing Interview:

In an interview with Alejandro Guerra, founder of “Wake Up,” Calle shares his thoughts on how we might redirect the future of marriage and love as a couple onto a healthier path. Calle argues that the key is to change our perspective and attitude towards the relationship, moving away from the belief that our happiness depends entirely on the other. Throughout the interview, Ramiro talks about an interview with Jesus Fonseca, about love and spiritual life, which you can watch here:

The Evolution of People:

According to Calle, both individuals and couples are constantly evolving. Throughout life, people change, mature and face different challenges. This process of change can influence the dynamics of a marital relationship. Eternal love, in its absolute sense, is sometimes not possible because people grow in different ways.

The Importance of Communication:

Calle stresses the importance of open and honest communication in marriage. Rather than clinging to a romantic ideal of “eternal love,” he suggests that couples must learn to communicate and adapt as their individual wants and needs change. Effective communication can help overcome challenges and keep the emotional connection alive.

Accepting Impermanence:

Ultimately, Calle’s reflections urge us to accept the impermanence of life and relationships. Instead of looking for a static eternal love, he suggests that we learn to appreciate love in its different forms and manifestations over time. This can include moments of passion, companionship and emotional support.

Reimagining Marriage:

Ramiro Calle proposes that the future of marriage and love as a couple should be based on principles of freedom, mutual respect and personal growth. Instead of seeing the partner as the sole provider of happiness, Calle advocates the idea that each individual should seek his or her own satisfaction and fulfillment, and then share it with his or her partner. According to him, this would remove the burden of excessive expectations and create an environment conducive to healthier and longer lasting relationships.

Marriage as Freedom:

According to Calle, marriage can be an expression of freedom when it is based on a conscious and equitable relationship. For him, this union can be an opportunity to grow, develop empathy and share life with a partner. The marital union can be a space where two individuals find mutual support to achieve their personal and joint goals.

Marriage as Slavery:

However, Calle also warns that marriage can become a form of slavery if it is based on unrealistic expectations, emotional dependence or control. When individuality is lost in favor of a codependent relationship, freedom can become trapped in the dynamics of the couple.

With more than 200 books about self-knowledge, love, couple and sexuality, Ramiro Calle offers us valuable advice to strengthen marital relationships.

1. Clear and Open Communication: According to Ramiro Calle, communication is the fundamental pillar of a healthy marriage. Fostering a space where both can express their thoughts, feelings and concerns is essential. Effective communication helps resolve conflicts, clarify misunderstandings and strengthen emotional connection.
2. Practice Empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and feel your spouse’s emotions. Calle emphasizes the importance of putting yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand their views and feelings. Practicing empathy promotes understanding and closeness in the relationship.
3. Maintain Individuality: Although marriage is a union, it is essential to maintain the individuality of each spouse. According to Calle, a healthy relationship allows both to grow and develop as individuals. Respecting each other’s personal interests and goals is key to a balanced marriage.
4. Cultivate Gratitude: Expressing gratitude for the little and big things in daily life strengthens the bond between spouses. Recognizing and valuing loving efforts and gestures contributes to maintaining a positive and harmonious relationship.
5. Learn to Compromise and Negotiate: Compromise is a vital part of any marriage. Calle suggests that it is important to learn to compromise in certain situations and negotiate solutions that satisfy both parties. This helps to avoid unnecessary conflicts and find mutually beneficial solutions.
6. Quality Time Together: Spending quality time with your partner is essential. Whether through regular dates or shared activities, this time strengthens the emotional connection and keeps the spark alive in the relationship.
7. Take care of your Mental and Emotional Health: Self-care is essential to maintaining a healthy marriage. Calle stresses the importance of taking care of your mental and emotional health in order to be able to offer the best of yourself in the relationship. This includes managing stress, seeking support when needed, and finding healthy ways to cope with emotions.
8. Learn from Difficulties: Finally, difficulties are a natural part of any relationship. Instead of seeing them as insurmountable obstacles, Calle suggests seeing them as opportunities for growth. Learning together from challenges strengthens the relationship and makes it more resilient.

Human beings fail as partners because they fail as human beings.

According to Ramiro Calle, the human being is a partner, because he fails as a human being. Our individual imperfections can affect our romantic relationships.

Lack of Self-knowledge:

One of the first aspects that Ramiro Calle points out is the lack of self-knowledge in human beings. Many times, people enter into relationships without having a deep understanding of themselves. This lack of self-awareness can lead to unrealistic expectations and an inability to handle conflict constructively.

2. Selfishness and Lack of Empathy:

Calle stresses that selfishness and lack of empathy are two fundamental human failings that can damage relationships. Selfishness can cause people to prioritize their own wants and needs over those of their partner, which can lead to resentment and disagreements. Lack of empathy, on the other hand, can make it difficult to understand a partner’s feelings and needs.

3. Fear of Vulnerability:

According to Calle, many people are afraid of vulnerability in relationships. This fear can lead to reluctance to share deep thoughts and feelings with a partner, making it difficult to build a solid emotional connection.

4. Lack of Effective Communication:

Communication is a fundamental pillar in any relationship, but many times we fail in this aspect. Calle argues that a lack of effective communication skills can lead to misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts and a lack of emotional connection.

5. Idealization and Unrealistic Expectations:

Another common human failing in relationships is the tendency to idealize the partner and have unrealistic expectations about how the relationship should be. When reality does not match these expectations, disappointment and dissatisfaction can arise.

In conclusion, Ramiro Calle, with his experience in spirituality and human relationships, makes us reflect on the current state of marriage. He argues that the traditional approach is no longer adequate in a society that values authenticity and personal growth. Instead of seeing marriage as a source of happiness, it proposes an approach based on freedom and mutual respect, where each individual seeks his or her own satisfaction and shares it with his or her partner. Calle’s words invite us to contemplate the importance of maintaining individuality in the context of marriage and to seek a balance that fosters personal and shared growth.
By following Ramiro Calle’s advice, you can cultivate a solid and enriching marriage. Communication, empathy, individuality and commitment are the basis for a lasting and satisfying relationship.

By recognizing our human failings and working on them, we can improve our relationships and create deeper, more meaningful connections with our partners.

Ultimately, marriage can be a path to freedom if it focuses on partnership and mutual respect, rather than slavery if it falls into patterns of dependency and control. These ideas could pave the way for a brighter future for marriage and couple love in our ever-changing society.